What If Fear Doesn’t Always Feel Like an “Illusion?”

What should we do when we keep hearing “fear is an illusion,” but it feels very real in our body?

Yes, there are certain situations where “fear is an illusion”- we are not in immediate danger. AND, whether it’s from a current situation, a past event, or future perception, it may feel very real in our body. Let’s talk about that.

Incongruence happens when our mind is saying “fear is an illusion!” And our body is like “Nope, this is super real to me!”

When I first heard “fear is an illusion,” I labeled the fear I was experiencing as “bad” and repressed and avoided it. I distracted myself and decided to focus on more “positive” emotions instead. 

The fear remained, rearing its ugly head- sometimes on a daily basis- causing anxiety, occasional panic attacks, worry. I kept avoiding it.

Until I started doing more somatic-based healing and realized that I wasn’t helping myself by repressing the fear and pretending it didn't exist- I was causing more harm. And, even subconsciously, I was expending so much energy  keeping the fear at bay. 

So what’s the answer? What do we do when we keep feeling this fear, even if we know we are not in immediate danger?

We get still, notice where the fear is living inside of us, pay attention to how it feels, looks, etc (we all have different ways of sensing things.) We sit with it, maybe take a few deep breaths into it to give it some space. We treat it like a little kid who is terrified. We ask what it needs. Acknowledgment? Validation? Comfort? To share a memory or express something? A hug? And we give this part what it needs from our current adult self. 

Again and again- it’s a process- not necessarily a one-time thing.

This is how we learn to be with the fear. To fully feel it, allow it, and integrate it. To develop more safety in our body over time to hold it. This is how, over time, we learn to rewire our nervous system and brains to react differently to these situations.

The fear will always be there. It’s a normal human emotion that wont disappear. But our relationship to fear changes when our mind and body are both on board.